Countess Mircalla "Carmilla" von Karnstein is our other main protagonist. Carmilla was born in 1680 in Steria, Austria to a Count. She was murdered at a ball at the age of 18. Resurrected as a vampire by Lilita Morgan (The Dean of Silas University). She lived a tortured life as a pawn for Lilita luring young girls to their doom. She eventually met a young girl Elle who she developed a relationship. Hiding her nature from Elle, Lilita reveals to Elle that Carmilla is a vampire. Elle rejects Carmilla running to Lilita sending Elle to her doom. She eventually would end up at Silas University continuing to work until she met a very headstrong, nieve, shrill of a girl named Laura. So how does a 36-year-old father of three completely relate to a 300-year-old female vampire? You're about to hear about our differences and our similarities.
Our differences are subtle and not anything big. First off no I'm not a giant black cat. Something that is actually a similarity between L and Laura is a difference for me and Carmilla, fashion. Carmilla's fashion is almost always wearing black. She does wear a little color from time to time. She is confident in anything she wears and has the courage to wear whatever she wants. I dress in comfortable shorts and jeans t-shirts most of the time when I dress up it's a nice button-up shirt nothing too elaborate. Carmilla's style is very distinctive and her own and I respect her for it. Another difference is height. Let's be honest here I'm 6'2" and Natasha is 5'3" which makes Carmilla 5'3" not to the fault of either of us, but still a noticeable difference.
Now on to the differences before we met our Ls. I was more like Luara when I started college I was naive about relationships and life on my own. Books as you can see throughout the series Carmilla is constantly reading any chance she can. I however am not a book person. Reading has never been easy for me and the length of books has overwhelmed me all of my life. Finally cool. I am in no way cool. I have a nerdy side I have an athletic side but no one would call me cool. Carmilla on the other hand is about as cool as you can get. Everything she does is cool. Carmilla dresses cool, acts cool, has this cool ora around her. That's just not me. I'm not cool nor will I ever be.
Enough of our differences let's start with an obvious one our trust in people. We have a small circle in comparison to Laura and L. Our circle is as big as the head of a nail. We are just naturally untrusting of people. We have a small group that we trust and then we have our complete trust in our L's that's about it. Our lack of trust comes from how we see the world. We see the darkness in the world. A great analogy for this is, Carmilla and I see a glass of water as half empty, Laura and L see it as half full together we make a full glass of water. Sorry for the dad joke but it does make sense at least to me.
Posture. Yep that's right our posture is almost identical it's actually a little creepy how close our posture is. Standing up our arms are crossed a lot of the time. Sitting in a chair is another similarity we sit back with our leg on top of our knee. When comfortable in a large chair we sit sideways with our head agents one arm of the chair with our feet over the other arm. Now snuggling with our L's. Normally we are on top with our arm around them, but we both can be vulnerable enough to let our L's hold us. We just have this relaxed posture that allows us to hide our emotions.
To continue down the creepy path the actress that plays Carmilla (Natasha Negovanlis) shares an eastern European and Mediterranean background. A majority of my family origins come from those regions. Carmilla's last name is Karnstein. It is very very similar to my mother's maiden name. These were the creepy similarities I referenced in other posts and noticed fairly early on.
Now on to Carmilla's and mines biggest flaw. Dealing with our feelings. To quote Carmilla "I'm not so good with the feelings." Carmilla had almost 300 years to develop a hardened exterior. I grew up in a very male-dominated house with two brothers to boot. Didn't allow much time for expressing or discussing our feelings. Crying was seen as a sign of weakness and I wasn't allowed to express how I was feeling very often. The world just hardened Carmilla to her emotions she was around death and deceit and corruption all of her life. The one time she allows herself to be vulnerable and she is burned by that world hardening her even more. Something changed this or better yet someones changed this in us. Our L's challenged us. They forced us to be more open about "The feelings."
Old, who is calling who old? Yes, Carmilla and I are older than our L's not what I mean. Very early on in L's and mine relationship, L told me that I have an old soul. She made that statement not because I was mature (far from it) but because of the music, I listened to the movies that I watched the things that I read. All came from another age or time. Carmilla on the other hand just has an old soul. (That Laura eventually helped her find again.) Carmilla still loves the old things waltzing, style, and music of the bygone eras. Just because we like old things doesn't mean we are dinosaurs it just means we like the finer things in life.
Temper Temper. Although Carmilla and I keep quite a lot of the time we both have a temper and the trigger to that temper is not hard to find or understand why it triggers our anger, it's our L's. For Carmilla, you can tell early on that Laura is what brings out her temper. She beat up poor Kirsch because she was jealous, the same reason she and Danny got into it so often. Now what triggers my temper is people taking advantage of L or my kids causing L either stress or emotional stress more specifically and it sets me off and I end up in yelling matches with my kids. Which isn't fair to them or L. Carmilla and I usually are the calm cool and collected people in stressful situations, but when stress is put on our L's we instantly see red.
Our love stories couldn't be more similar. For the longest time, every time Carmilla brought up Elle I was convinced she said L until I read the script. The reason I bring this up is that the first girl I dated also started with an L actually she has the exact same name as L close enough to be a little creepy right. Still, in our first real relationship, neither of us wasn't ready. Experience has to be learned by doing and failing. Carmilla and I had to learn how to deal with and express our feelings. We both screwed it up but it made us both understand if something similar came along we would have to change. Then prophecy at the end of season zero (Movie Night) might have been the creepiest similarity between Carmilla and me. Two individuals predicted our romances months before our subsequent meeting of our L's. It's a little creepy just to happen but for a character that I identify with have the same thing happen is just bazaar.
I am still amazed at how much I relate to Carmilla. From our personalities to how we connect with our L's. Carmilla is headstrong and very much set in her ways. We understand our L's, for the most part, they may actually have more in common than Carmilla and I do but how we met and developed a relationship with our L's that's where all the similarities lie. How we think is really how Carmilla and I are similar sure the prophecy our family backgrounds and our old souls are fun to talk about. The true commonality between us is that we struggle with our emotions and expressing our feelings. Under our hard exteriors, there is a kind heart, a caring heart, and an understanding heart but we struggle to show it. It's not easy to type about yourself and I struggled to write the entry. I will write one more about the similarities and differences between L and my's relationship and Carmilla's and Laura's.
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