Its a Trap! Kind of.

                                    

           Though episodes 11 to 16 are very important, essentially showing Carmilla trying to save Laura from her mother first by just telling her mother to find someone else's besides Laura.  Then Carmilla tries to scare away her mother with the charm bracelet to protect Laura from other vampires all while Laura finds evidence linking Carmilla to all the disappearances devising a plan to catch Carmilla.  These episodes move the plot along but don't really relate to me and L until the trap. 

       It's a trap, Episode 17.  It's a Trap was an instant flashback to a moment between L and me.  So when Carmilla walks in and doesn't want to go to the party and would rather have one on one time that's totally me.  Unlike me, Carmilla pours on the charm and may even go a little too far with the 16th-Century charm.  Granted Laura does flirt back eventually.  Even though she is stalling for her friends to spring the trap.    

         Carmilla then learns that all of her small suttle advancements toward Laura have gone unnoticed.  The cocoa, telling her "Mother" off, the charm bracelet gift, and finally protecting her from her "Mother".  To Carmilla, these were large gestures of friendship and affection only to be betrayed when you're about to make your advance. This moment instantly brought me back to a set of  stairs and how I felt after also being rejected like Carmilla. 

      I love to go on walks they are perfect times to have self-reflection or serious conversations with people.  So one day L and I hadn't seen each other in a day or two.  So I called her later in the evening and asked her to meet me for a walk.  On the walk we talked about where things were going we had been friends for over a month.  We had been seeing each other almost daily.  So we sat down on a small set of stairs near my dorm.  I then asked her to be my girlfriend.  L had a simple answer NO!  Yes, that's right the love of my life rejected me the first time I asked her out.  The first time I had really opened myself up to another and I was rejected. I ask why and she was very right we had been at school for a month and we need time to find our place at school.  So we decided to continue to hang out and see where things went without the labels.        

       Rejection is awful especially when you are opening up to someone for the first time and also expressing that you have feelings for the other person. Feeling vulnerable is a good thing but also can be the scariest moment ever.  I have been with L for 17 years now and I still have these scary vulnerable moments in our relationship.  For Carmilla, she allowed herself to be vulnerable once and was burned very badly.  So for her to allow herself to be vulnerable again must have been terrifying only to be rejected again.