One bad decision, one mistake, one misunderstanding can bring it all down. Trust in a relationship is very hard to achieve and once it's broken it can all come crashing down. Reestablishing that trust once it's broken can be even harder. Trust comes from honesty and loyalty and the willingness to have faith in someone that you love and getting it back that trust is a great challenge.
"Zones of Friendship" Episode 27. All hell has broken louse on the Silas campus and our gang is trying to figure out their next move. They have barricaded themselves in the former dean's apartment. They all decided they should get some rest and regroup early in the morning. Carmilla and Laura have a moment alone. They are playing a board game with each other, but another game is about to begin. Talking about death. and Laura goes right after Carmilla asking would she have done what Mattie did would she care if she died. Carmilla again playing 3D chess says "would you care?" Laura responds "How can you say that? You think I hid you here after everything because I don’t care? Because the thought of something happening to you doesn’t make me feel like I can’t breathe? And I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel around you or what I’m supposed to do because. They kiss which had to be torcher for both. Again Laura asks Carmilla to change for her to be who she wants her to be just breaking both of them.
Now the hard part. We are here at this moment right now we are exactly where they are. L has asked me to change be more attentive and just be in the moment more be more affectionate, don't argue about things, don't raise our voices, communicate, come to bed with her every night. I have completely thrown everything into this. L just keeps saying it's not good enough I haven't changed enough. We just watched the next couple of episodes a day ago so this hit me like a truck. I don't know how it affected her but I definitely felt every sting of Laura asking Carmilla to change and seeing her trying her best to stay true to who she is and change for Laura it breaks my heart because we're trying our best and it's still not good enough for Laura and L. In Laura and L's eyes, they are also trying so hard and Carmilla and I also feel it's not good enough. This is where communication comes in and why it's so important we need to keep having hard conversations. I'm saying it now that the quote the one Laura reads to Carmilla is the theme for this season.
"Co-Existence" Episode 30. Have you ever seen a car crash and you see it way before anyone else and there is nothing you can do to stop it? That is precisely what is going on in this episode. Carmilla has given the secret of killing Mattie to Laura just for Laura to protect herself. Laura being Laura tells Danny this secret in private. Since the breakup, Danny who is Laura's best friend, and Mattie who is Carmilla's best friend. Have been helping their friends through their breakup. Both love their friends and would do anything to see them happy. So once a conflict broke out between the two Mattie was killed by Danny. Carmilla filled with anger and sadness told Danny to run because she was going to kill her. Laura jumping between the two confessed to telling Danny about Mattie's weakness. Carmilla even more saddened tells Laura this "Be good for me, Carmilla." "Change for me, Carmilla." "Burndown everything you’ve ever loved for me, Carmilla." Strong words. Carmilla trusted Laura and she was betrayed by Laura's faith in the world that everything is black and white. She had been trying to warn Laura over and over. "Those who prefer their principles over their happiness they refuse to be happy outside of the conditions they seem to have attached to their happiness."
Neither of us has done anything remotely close to what Laura did but L and I don't find ourselves in life or death situations that often. Luckily we don't have to make decisions like that. We have however betrayed each other's trust on a few occasions. We have done worse things than the examples I'm giving but were not going to dig up buried skeletons.
We will start with L first. It was our first summer together both back home living with our own families again. Lisa's younger sister was playing a softball tournament close to where I was living so naturally the night before we are talking and she says why don't you come to my sister's softball tournament so we can see each other. Ok not really interested in softball but I get to see L ok. So I show up to field the next morning I see L's parents I walk up and ask where L is her mom looks at me and says in bed asleep. So instead of being an ass to her parents, I stay through the first game. So she essentially stood me up for sleep. Now being a little sympathetic at the time L worked the third shift at a factory.
All right my turn it's only fair right. For me, not one of my better moments is early on L's family liked to have fun at L's expense especially jokes that may have damaged her self-esteem. So I wanted to fit in and be excepted by her family I joined in telling some not so flattering jokes about L and not exactly thinking about how those jokes may have come off. Knowing all the self-esteem issues that L had from when we were at school I should have stood up for her more and not joined in joking at her expense. I definitely betrayed her trust in that we had been through so much at school and had shared so much about ourselves with each other and to use it to make a joke just to fit in with her family.
Betraying trust can push a relationship to its limits especially in stressful situations. We are human though we all make mistakes and admitting that we have made a mistake, is one of the bravest things we can do as humans. We grow as humans learning from those mistakes and I feel like Laura will learn from this mistake and grow as a human. L and I have made many mistakes in our relationship no person or relationship is perfect they all have conflict and how we resolve those conflicts is what makes a great relationship work. Communication and action are how relationships are healed along with time. L and I are on the mend but it's not going to happen overnight it takes work and sacrifices Carmilla knows that because she is over 300 years old Laura is 19 and has a lot to learn about relationships and is learning in these moments.
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