Blame Enough for All Episode 28. In this episode, three big parallels make this my favorite episode so far. When L and I first met L had issues with self-esteem and self-confidence issues never feeling adequate. She always felt like she couldn't do enough for others or herself she felt like she was never good enough. For Laura, this moment came when Lafontaine was taken. She blamed herself for not being able to protect her friend. I have seen that same self-doubt and self-blame for a situation she had no control over or could have influenced in any way in L.
Carmilla then quickly charges in and says "Stop, just stop all of this before I get queazy." "Cupcake you are ridiculous and nieve and strong." "Unless your kidnapping girls for some divine being none of this is your fault." Standing ovation from me. Why? I had and have and still will be making those statements forever and so will Carmilla. Amazing people like L and Laura come with those flaws and the reason we are in love with people like that is because of those flaws. L and Laura wear their emotions on their sleeve and them caring about everyone else we have to be there to care about them and tell them that hey it's not your fault. Build them back up and help them see just how amazing they are. It by far is my favorite moment of the season it just speaks to the type of relationship the two are going to have.
The dance it's such a simple thing, but it can be a fantastic moment of intimacy. You could be in a crowded room or a small room or a bar with only a group of people. When you dance with someone the whole world just tends to melt away and it's just you and the other person. The flirting always starts before the dance that's how you get to the dance. For Carmilla, Laura made the first move when talking about the post-semester dance and seeing who you wanted to go with and glances at Carmilla. Then Carmilla brings the charm talks about all the balls she attended over the centuries and shows Laura how to waltz. Intimacy through little things.
For L and me it was at a bar where she was showing off her friend who happened to be a boy to her sorority sisters. If you know me I hate to dance and sing so at weddings I eat and I drink and I talk. So everyone is having a good time mingling its a Saturday in the fall so TVs at the bar have football on so most of the guys have one eye on their dates and one eye on a tv. Until I feel a hand on my waste. L and I had kissed at this point (will get there) so her hand on my waist wasn't a shock, but she said come on so I followed her to the dance floor I explained I'm not a good dancer only slow songs. Lucky for me Piano Man came on. A song I know every word to. So I put her arms around my neck I put my hands around her waist and we began to sway and then I began to sing in her ear so just L could hear it. Like I said dancing leads to intimacy.
You take my bed I'll sleep on the floor. This isn't the first time that Carmilla has slept next to Laura's bed, but again this little selfless act by Carmilla shows she really cares without smothering her like her Dad or Danny. Unlike the first couple of times this time, Laura knows that Carmilla is making this sacrifice and is protecting her. Carmilla has learned from Danny's mistakes that Laura doesn't need protection she needs something more, emotional protection and a willingness to just support her. Carmilla I'm sure would have loved to share the bed with Laura at that moment, but she knew the time wasn't right.
For L and me a moment similar to this occurred in the first week into knowing each other. A group of us were up late watching movies L, S, and another friend of mine. It was raining so we didn't want to send L out into the rain so S asked her to stay in S's room for the rest of the night. My friend and S got into bed together quickly so L and I were left together. Now that I think about it this may have been a total set up by S. First, a little context up until this point I hadn't been kissed yet let alone share a bed with another person. So, I was nervous. L crawled up into the bed and I was going to chicken out and sleep on the floor until S kinda gave me the look you can do it. So I followed her up into the bed still really nervous. I knew I wasn't going to sleep any time soon. I tried to talk to L, but she was pretending to be asleep. Then I just had this feeling she wanted me to put my arm around her. So I did she took my hand and pulled me close. She could probably feel my heart beating out of my chest. I held her the rest of the night. She would later tell me she wasn't asleep and had been hoping I would put my arm around her. It was our first real moment together and it will always be special to me.
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