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That Look

       



          That look that freaking look on Carmilla's face in "Do not go into the light" episode 34.  I have made that look a few times (sarcastic it's a lot).  There are probably a few friends that have seen that look from me and think that's how my face looks.  I know. I know.  I talk about the freaking cocoa all the time, that was my brain suttling telling me to change.  This however was sludge hammer to the face. That look on Carmilla's face I knew all too well.  When you fall in love with a selfless person you make that face a lot.  I had forgotten how much I missed making that face.        

        Well, here we are the moment of truth.  Laura is mad at Carmilla for not saving Kirsch and making the deal with her 'Mother' and lying about her being possessed.  Laura is at her lowest without all of her allies and suffering from Carmilla’s decision.  She still decides to do the selfless act and still tries to save everyone.  She records a message for her dad and Carmilla.  "Carmilla you know" that's it, but that message is exactly what Carmilla needed to hear. Cut to Carmilla's face hearing the message from Laura.  Her reaction looks like she is angry and frustrated by Laura's decision.  That couldn't be more wrong.  Carmilla knew that  Laura would try and rescue everyone.  That look is this person loves me despite who I am.  The difference between Laura and Elle becomes clear to Carmilla and she knows she will have to make that sacrifice. Or in her words "Something really stupid." Hey, I've done many stupid things for love.  That is where that look comes from. 

        Why is Laura and Carmilla's relationship so similar to L's and mine?  I know I have been dancing around it over and over.  Hinting at some of the similarities, but I was waiting for this moment.  Why this moment? It's because that look illustrates it best, why Carmilla and I love our Ls.  Almost every beat up till this point L and I went through. It was the first time either of us had been in love like Laura and Carmilla (it had been a long long time).  Everything was new and exciting but they had to work to get there.  It wasn't easy and that look it's just so perfectly sums it up for me.       

        A simple look can reveal so much about a person if you know what you're looking for.  I believe there are two ways to look at Carmilla's look. One is she is angry and frustrated with Laura, you silly girl you have doomed us all.  What do I do?  Rescue Laura or run away?  I think that is completely the wrong way to look at it.  Carmilla has just seen someone tell her, she truly loves her despite all of her flaws despite what she has done in the past.  Carmilla is feeling I have to go make the ultimate sacrifice so someone I in return love can live and continue to be that person.  The cocoa was the wake-up call I need this was the motivation I need to send that text. I sent that text because that look showed me what I had been missing by going through the motions of life.  "I love you.  I miss us."  Carmilla's courage gave me the courage to send that text and change my life for the better.  

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