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Hey, Can I Be Happy Too?

        
        
        "Those who prefer their principles over their happiness they refuse to be happy outside of the conditions they seem to have attached to their happiness."- Albert Camus.  What a heavy quote.  Those are strong words that carry a lot of weight to them.  These words apply oh so well to Laura and L and they are what makes them who they are. Good or bad. 
         
        "Enter Lugenbaron" Episode 12.  If episode 28 in season 1 is my favorite episode this episode is the most important to me.   So Carmilla and Laura finally have a moment alone, but Carmilla is reading and Laura is watching a show.  Showing that there is all of a sudden a little distance between the two.  Carmilla invites Laura to sit with her.  Laura reads an excerpt from Carmilla's book. "Those who prefer their principles over their happiness they refuse to be happy outside of the conditions they seem to have attached to their happiness."  Now Carmilla is definitely trying to prove a point.  She isn't just reading this page randomly and asks Laura to come to sit next to her.  Carmilla has a plan a well thought out plan.  She wants Luara to read this and ask about it.  Carmilla is trying to start that very big conversation that the pair has been distracted from.

    Carmilla is trying to point out something very important to Laura that she has been missing from Laura.  If Laura puts herself and her happiness aside to make sure everyone else is safe and happy.  She is clearly missing the one person's happiness she has neglected most and it isn't even hers's, it's Carmilla's.  Laura hasn't listened to what will make Carmilla happy.  She is more worried about saving the school and her friends than she has been about making Carmilla happy.  She even goes on to tell her what she really wants even if it’s hypothetical.  Carmilla wants Laura to run off and travel the world together.  With no responsibilities or cares.  Laura then just ignores it as pure fantasy and continues on about saving the school and their friends.  If I'm Carmilla this is a smack in the face.   Maybe Laura isn't as in love as she is maybe things aren't as amazing as she originally thought.
    
     I missed that quote the first time I saw the episode.  After researching it a little and really thinking about it.  It very much applies to me and L.  Any conflict early on, now, or into the future has come from that quote.  L has put herself and me before others countless times up to this point and I know it will continue and I’m ok with it.  A simple example, we were at a birthday party for a friend of ours in college will call him R.  Had fun till L went a little too far again I got mad again took a walk to cool off.  She got the message and slowed down.  The next morning was another friend of hers birthday who was at the party and they started to drink again that next morning (Now in L's defense she wanted this girl to enjoy her birthday.)  I lost it went back to campus alone.  She had done the very thing Laura has done put someone else's happiness before mine and hers without even asking how I felt about it.  I eventually got tired of this and that is how we got to where we were at before "I love you, I miss us."

        Last night L watched this episode and I think she got the message.  I told her this was an important episode.  I'm very sure this is the overall theme for Carmilla and Laura in this season and eventually, Laura will put Carmilla before everyone and everything else.  After the episode, we talked about why I made a point to point out that quote.  She admitted she was very guilty of doing exactly what Laura was doing.  She had put so much ahead of us.  She apologized for not being the best wife and she will try and make us more of a priority.  I told her I fell in love with her because of her selflessness but I said it's a blessing and a curse.  L does so much to make everyone around her happy that she forgets or neglects to make us happy.           

        Amazing selfless people have one overarching flaw and it's the reason we love them and the reason conflict is always around the corner.  Laura and L sometimes forget their partners. They either forget about us or assume that we will always go along with it.  Forgetting that we might not be as selfless as they are.  I'm still trying to figure out how to balance this.  It even came up today as I was writing this.  It's always there and can happen at any moment.  It's why we love them and it's why we fight with them.                      
        
     

            

        


   

    
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